Wait, No, Just Say No!

You know how I said he would ignore me?  I’m really beginning to wish that he had.  No, he has to be “traditional” and ask me out to dinner.  I was caught off guard, and agreed to sit with him, where I ate in silence while he talked about his parents.  Wait, does this mean that I’ve been on a date?  It was an ambush!  It can’t possibly count.  This whole “new experiences” business does not seem to be going so well.   I tried to bolt, but he decided to walk me back to my dorm, where he insisted on attaching his mouth to my lower lip.  My mouth is sore.  Is that supposed to happen? 

He just texted me asking if I wanted to hang out later.  I’m tired.  And I don’t feel like making conversation.  Or making out.  Maybe I should tell him that I’m not interested.  That seems mean, though.  What’s it going to be?  “Listen up, Grass Boy.  It was fun, but…” But what? 

The First First

Had my first kiss.  Oh God.  Not the good kind, but the oh God, why do I start talking to boys that I’m not terribly interested in so they get the wrong signals and Mother of All that is Holy, I really hope that I don’t get mononucleosis.  I never thought that this might be a concern until I came to this school.  The concept of “hooking up” is rather lost on me, but I’m pretty sure that it means that you make out with a guy, then see him the next day and have him ignore you.  This is probably for the best, since it was terribly awkward.  Do you remember when you were a good little child?  I almost miss those days.  But at least that milestone is out of the way?  I suppose that having your first kiss lying on the ground under the stars is meant to be romantic.  I can’t get the grass stains out of my jeans and I still have dirt in my hair.  I’m also pretty sure that I’m allergic to the weeds that we were on, since my arms have broken out in hives.  Romantic indeed.  My God.  All I can think of is “sucking mechanism” right now.  Whatever, I’m sure he’ll never talk to me again.

Just Say Yes

I decided to stop leading such a depressive life and try to make friends.  It’s working surprisingly well, actually.  Mainly because I’ve discovered alcohol.  And no, I have not become some sort of closet drinker.  But after being known as the “designated walker” for going out to parties with my friends but never drinking anything, I have come to understand the power of the red cup.  It’s wondrous, really.  I have something to do with my hands, I appear more “mellow” (mainly because others believe that there is a chance of intoxication) and for once in my life, I’m giving in to peer pressure.  It feels delicious.

Philosophy

“You’re like Hobbes’s state of nature.  Nasty, brutish, and short.”

-Edward